You have the right to take your time and decide when and where you want to do something or become part of a relationship.
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Are your relationships healthy?
Those involved in healthy relationships know how to handle disagreements and frustrations.
They know they have choices and can discuss the issue in a calm, respectful manner, agree to disagree, and/or compromise.
You do not have to engage with anyone that is escalating. The key is to not take things personal or make assumptions. When you do that things could possibly lead to inappropriate responses.
IT’S ALL GOOD
DISAGREEMENT
ELEMENTS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Whether you’re in middle school or high school, maintaining a healthy relationship is key. It isn’t always easy and can take some work on both parties involved.
Just because you’re “with” someone doesn’t mean you lose your rights as an individual. In fact, there are certain responsibilities that you should follow in a healthy relationship along with love, respect, honesty and trust.
Kaity’s Way has defined what the elements of a healthy relationship should look like based on its P.E.A.C.E. Rights and Responsibilities.
RIGHTS
- Just because everyone you know has a boy/girlfriend doesn’t mean you need to rush into a relationship and risk making the wrong choice. Remember its okay to be single.
- Once you find that special person take your time to get to know each other.
RESPONSIBILITIES
- You have the right to be with someone who takes the time to try to understand your feelings.
- Relax and enjoy the time you have with the person you are with. The goal is to have fun and be happy.
- Don’t rush into snap judgments or make assumptions.
RIGHTS
- You have the right to be with someone who takes the time to try to understand your feelings.
- Being able to imagine how others feel is an important skill in any relationship.
- This becomes even more important when you decide you’re going to become part of a couple.
RESPONSIBILITIES
- You have the responsibility to take the time to try to understand your partner’s feelings.
- Being able to imagine how others feel is an important skill in any relationship.
- It’s even more important when you decide you’re going to become part of a couple.
RIGHTS
- You have the right to be accepted for who you are.
- Be honest with yourself! Your style, beliefs and principles are what make you special and unique.
- Even though you are in a relationship you are still an individual.
RESPONSIBILITIES
- You have the responsibility to accept your partner for who he/she is not what you want him/her to be.
- Who they are is what attracted you to your boy/girlfriend. Their style, beliefs, and principles are what makes them special and unique.
- Respect the individuality of the person you have come to know and care for.
RIGHTS
- You have the right to be in a caring relationship that ensures that your opinions and ideas are your own and your boundaries are respected.
- When someone cares about you they will use language that lifts you up. They will encourage, empower, appreciate and recognize the positive in you and what you do.
- Your partner listens to you without judgment when you express an opinion or idea.
RESPONSIBILITIES
- It is your responsibility to respect your partner’s opinions, ideas and boundaries.
- Encourage, empower, appreciate and recognize the positive in your partner and what they do.
- Care enough to be honest and kind at all times.
RIGHTS
- You have the right to be an equal party in your relationship.
- Your input to decide where to go and what to do is equally taken into consideration.
- If you cannot compromise on something, you can agree to disagree.
RESPONSIBILITIES
- You have the responsibility to treat your partner as an equal party in your relationship.
- Ask your partner for their input about where you go and what you do together.
- If you cannot compromise about something, agree to disagree
Pattern of an abusive dating relationship
RED FLAGS
Red Flags to help you determine if you’re in a potentially violent relationship.
Does the other person in the relationship display any of the following:
- When you’re not with them, they call or text you constantly.
- They insist on or need to be with you all the time.
- They try to tell you what to do and how to dress.
- They yell at you.
- They humiliate you in front of others.
- They tell you whom you can and can’t speak to.
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- They say mean and rude things to you.
- They minimize your feelings.
- They speak badly of your loved ones.
- They say negative things about your appearance.
- They blame you whenever something does not go right.
- They call you names.
CONSIDER THIS
No one has a right to put his or her hands on you or speak to you in an aggressive manner.
A person who truly cares about you will not want to hurt you in any way.
Those who commit violent acts use manipulation, control, humiliation and denial as tools against their victims.
Trust your feelings — If it doesn’t feel right then it’s not right.
SAFETY PLAN
With a trusted adult or advocate, create a safety plan to navigate away from the relationship.
While every situation is different, here are some tips below to consider.
1 CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER
- Use *67 or a blocking app for making outbound calls.
- Refrain from giving out your number, the abuser will be asking for it.
- If the victim is getting a call from a restricted number, let it go to voicemail. It could be the abuser and if they leave a threatening message we have evidence for later. Legit callers will leave a message.
2 PUT THE WORD OUT
- Tell your friends and family that you’re no longer seeing that person and to let you or your parents know if they are seen in the area.
- Stalkers rely on the ability to blend in. Your neighbors and friends will see the stalker before you do —Empowering them with need to know information will help you stay safe.
3 HAVE A BUDDY SYSTEM
- Don’t go anywhere alone.
- Let family and friends know where you’re going.
- Be aware of your surroundings.
4 ASSESS SOCIAL MEDIA
Assess your social media presence:
- Block the abuser, their friends and any mutual friends.
- Do not check in on social as it gives up your location.
- Pictures can give up location also, so be very cautious about posting pics.
- Remember once it is out there there is no taking it back.
5 BEWARE ANSWERING DOORS
- Try to see who it is from a window.
- If it’s the abuser or abuser’s friend, do not go to the door.
- Above all, no matter what they say, do not let them in the house and call police.
6 VERIFY SCHOOL / WORK CONTACT
Make sure that contact information in your school and your work employer file is current.
7 PLAN SAFE TRANSPORTATION
- Ride with a friend.
- Don’t always take the same route. Change it up.
- Know where your local police station is located.
- If you notice that the abuser is following you, call 911 and go straight to the nearest police station.
8 CONTACT POLICE
- File a report.
- Write down the report number.
- Remember to get the name of the person who took the report or badge number.
- Know your rights to protection under Kaity’s Law.
REMEMBER
Abusers don’t always go away because the relationship has ended. It’s important that you realize you must stick to this safety plan and with your trusted adult, evaluate the situation periodically to determine your level of vigilance.
HELPFUL LINKS
Other Sites for Teens to Get Help
