If you are a bystander – you have the power

HOW YOU CAN HELP

  • We do not advocate that anyone ever try to get between two people that are arguing or fighting instead we suggest they:

    • Create a distraction in the general area of the altercation
    • Find someone in authority to interfere and report the abuse to because one of those two people could end up like Kaity or in jail. They both need help on one level or another. You can remain anonymous.
      • Student Resource Officer
      • Teacher/Administrator
      • Parent/Trusted Adult

  • Friend is a victim – Your focus is the victim and their wellbeing. While having a friend in an abusive relationship can be a very frustrating, the victim may not know it at the time, but they need the support of their family and friends.

    Do’s Dont’s
    Reassure them that they’re not alone. Blame the victim.
    Be supportive and empathize with them. Show them you’re concerned. Judge the victim. They need to trust someone.
    Understand that they have feelings for the abuser. Discount their feelings towards the abuser.
    Encourage and Empower – Let them know how wonderful they are! Talk bad about the abuser – This could shut the victim down.
    Talk to them about confiding in a trusted adult. Overreact, get angry or try to control the situation.
    Be patient with the victim and listen. Make assumptions or take anything that is said personal.
    Respect their decision – Remember the victim gets to decide. Interrupt the victim –They need you to listen.
    Offer resource information. Force your ideas or opinions.

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    ·       When the victim is ready to hear from you, discuss the elements of a healthy relationship.
  • Friend is abusive

    Only if it’s safe! Consider talking to your friend about their behavior one-on-one or with a group.

    • Let them know you care about them.
    • Point out the inappropriate behavior.
    • Do not let them blame the victim – They are responsible for their behavior.
    • Don’t allow them to minimize the abuse – Any level of abuse is wrong.
    • Discuss the elements of healthy relationships.

    Suggest they seek help by talking with a trusted adult or a counselor.

  • If it’s not safe, consider speaking with an adult to help address the situation.

  • Do not ignore the abuse. Silence will deem the abusers behavior as appropriate.

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