Is Your Relationship Healthy?

Cycle of a healthy relationship

Those in healthy relationships know how to handle disagreements or frustrations. They know they have a choice to either agree to disagree or compromise. They also do not take things personal or make assumptions. They know that to do so could possibly lead to inappropriate responses.

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Equality

RIGHTS

  • You have the right to be an equal party in your relationship.
  • Your input to decide where to go and what to do is equally taken into consideration.
  • If you cannot compromise on something, you can agree to disagree.

RESPONSIBILITIES

  • You have the responsibility to treat your partner as an equal party in your relationship.
  • Ask your partner for their input about where you go and what you do together.
  • If you cannot compromise about something, agree to disagree

Patience

RIGHTS

  • You have the right to take your time and decide when and where you want to do something or become part of a relationship.
  • Just because everyone you know has a boy/girlfriend doesn’t mean you need to rush into a relationship and risk making the wrong choice. Remember its okay to be single.
  • Once you find that special person take your time to get to know each other.

RESPONSIBILITIES

  • You have the responsibility to be patient and respect a persons position in any situation.
  • Relax and enjoy the time you have with the person you are with. The goal is to have fun and be happy.
  • Don’t rush into snap judgments or make assumptions.

Caring

RIGHTS

  • You have the right to be in a caring relationship that ensures that your opinions and ideas are your own and your boundaries are respected.
  • When someone cares about you they will use language that lifts you up. They will encourage, empower, appreciate and recognize the positive in you and what you do.
  • Your partner listens to you without judgment when you express an opinion or idea.

RESPONSIBILITIES

  • It is your responsibility to respect your partner’s opinions, ideas and boundaries.
  • Encourage, empower, appreciate and recognize the positive in your partner and what they do.
  • Care enough to be honest and kind at all times.

Acceptance

RIGHTS

  • You have the right to be accepted for who you are.
  • Be honest with yourself! Your style, beliefs and principles are what make you special and unique.
  • Even though you are in a relationship you are still an individual.

RESPONSIBILITIES

  • You have the responsibility to accept your partner for who he/she is not what you want him/her to be.
  • Who they are is what attracted you to your boy/girlfriend. Their style, beliefs, and principles are what makes them special and unique.
  • Respect the individuality of the person you have come to know and care for.

Empathy

RIGHTS

  • You have the right to be with someone who takes the time to try to understand your feelings.
  • Being able to imagine how others feel is an important skill in any relationship.
  • This becomes even more important when you decide you’re going to become part of a couple.

RESPONSIBILITIES

  • You have the responsibility to take the time to try to understand your partner’s feelings.
  • Being able to imagine how others feel is an important skill in any relationship.
  • It’s even more important when you decide you’re going to become part of a couple.

Pattern of an Abusive Dating Relationship

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Red Flags

Red Flags to help you determine if you are in a POTENTIALLY VIOLENT relationship.

Does The Other Person in the Relationship Display Any of the Following:

  • When you are not with them they call or text you constantly
  • Wants or Needs to be with you all the time
  • Tries to tell you what to do, how to dress, who you can and cannot speak to

Red Flags to help you determine if you are in a VIOLENT relationship.

Does the other person in the relationship display any of the following:

  • Yell at you
  • Humiliate you in front of others
  • Say mean and rude things to you – tell you that you are a bad person
  • Speak ill of your loved ones
  • Say negative things about your appearance
  • Blame you whenever something does not go right
  • Call you names

Consider This:

  • Why would someone that is suppose to care for you hurt you in any way?
  • What right does anyone have to put their hands on you or speak to you in an aggressive manner?
  • Those who commit violent acts use Manipulation, Control, Humiliation and Denial as tools against their victims.
  • Trust your feelings — If it doesn’t feel right then it’s not right.

Safety Plan

With a trusted adult Create a Safety Plan which should include:

Change your phone number

  • Be careful of who you give your new number to
  • Utilize *67 it is a free service that blocks your number on the other end
    *67(###)###-####

Have a buddy system

  • Don’t go anywhere alone
  • Always have someone or a group with you

Make safe transportation arrangements

Know Your Rights

Put the word out

  • Tell your friends and family that you are no longer seeing that person and to let you or your parents know if they are seen in the area

Exercise caution when answering the door at home

  • This should be a normal practice, but at this time caution is the way to be

Make sure that contact information in your school file is current.

Contact the police and file a report if there is harassing behavior from the abuser or their friends.

Remember it takes an average of 2 years for an abuser to leave a victim alone. It is important that you realize you must stick to this safety plan and with your trusted adult evaluate the situation periodically to determine your level of vigilance.

Get Help

Bystanders

How can you help..........

Bystanders – You have the Power!

We do not advocate that anyone ever try to get between two people that are arguing or fighting instead we suggest they:

  • Create a distraction in the general area of the altercation
  • Find someone in authority to interfere and/or report the abuse to because one of those two could end up like Kaity or in jail – they both need help on one level or another. You can remain anonymous
    • SRO
    • Teacher/Administrator
    • Parent/Trusted adult

Friend is a victim – Your focus is the Victim and their well being.

Having a friend that is a victim in an abusive relationship can be a very frustrating time. Even so, the victim may not know it at the time they very much need the support of their family and friends.

Do's

  • Reassure them that they are not alone
  • Be supportive and empathize with them. Show them you are concerned
  • Understand that they have feelings for the abuser
  • Encourage and Empower – let them know how wonderful they are!
  • Talk to them about talking with a Trusted Adult
  • Be patient with the victim and Listen
  • Respect their decision- Remember the Victim gets to decide
  • Offer resource information
  • When the victim is ready to hear from you discuss the elements of a healthy relationship

Don'ts

  • Blame the victim they are not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior
  • Judge the victim this is the last thing they need from someone they want/need to trust
  • Discount their feelings towards the abuser – like it or not on some level they care about the person abusing them
  • Talk bad about the abuser – this could shut the victim down and shifts your focus away from the victim
  • Over react, get angry or try to control the situation
  • Make assumptions or take anything that is said personal
  • Interrupt the victim – they need you to listen listen listen
  • Force your ideas or opinions

Friend is abusive

Only if it is SAFE! Consider talking to your friend about their behavior one on one or with a group

  • Let them know you care about them
  • Point out the inappropriate behavior
  • Do not let them blame the victim – they are responsible for their behavior
  • Don’t allow them to minimize the abuse – any level of abuse is wrong
  • Discuss the elements of healthy relationships
  • Suggest they seek help by talking with a trusted adult or a counselor

If it is not safe consider speaking with an adult to help address the situation

Do not ignore the abuse. Silence will deem the abusers behavior as appropriate.

Just sayin....

Did you know….

  • The very most dangerous time for a victim in an abusive relationship is when the relationship is ending!
  • It takes an average of 2 years for an abuser to leave a victim alone
  • A victim will leave an abuser an average of 7-9 times before ending the relationship for good
  • People often believe a victim remaining in an abusive relationship is reason to blame the victim. Not so!
  • The victim has their reasons
    • Threats upon family, friends, reputation, etc….
    • Intimidation
  • Instead of asking why the victim stays let’s ask….
    • Why does the abuser abuse? Or Why doesn’t the abuser stop abusing This puts the responsibility where it truly belongs on the abuser.

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Kaity's Way
P.O. Box 83494
Phoenix, AZ 85071
(602) 740-2734

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